The Friday Funnies are a day late this week, so we’ll go right to what matters to you most:

This Week’s Walmartian!

Extra Helping of Bottom Biscuits!

 

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… and now, courtesy of “Big Kev” at PackardInfo, we have this handy-dandy

Conversion Chart

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Separated at Birth – Old Hitlery ® DNC Double Header
(Hat tip: Steven Hayward)

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Why Women Outlive Men

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Groaner du Jour
(Blame this on “B-Squared”)

Blonde Joke du Jour

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question.
“If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?”
After pondering the question she answered, “I would like to go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet.”
They said “well okay, thank you.” And told her that they would get back to her.
Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same question. In reply, “I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings.” Again, “thank you” and they would get back to her.
Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for a while and replied, “I would like to go to the sun.”
The people from NASA replied, “why, don’t you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?”
The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. “Are you guys dumb? I’d go at night!”

Lawyer Joke du Jour

Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities..

Snark du Jour

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Yes, It Matters Where You Put the Price Tag!
(Hat tip: “Chris-to-Fear”)

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Great Come Backs
(Hat tips to everyone who sent this!)

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Is Sex Work?
(Hat tip: “D.B.P.”)

A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff.
While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the Colonel decided
to pose a question to all assembled.

He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night the before and he
had failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep He posed the question of
just how much of sex was “work” and how much of it was “pleasure?”

A Major chimed in with 75%-25% in favour of work. A Captain said it was
50%-50%. A Lieutenant responded with 25%-75% in favour of pleasure,
depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.

There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the Private First Class who
was in charge of making the coffee and asked for his opinion?

Without any hesitation, the young Private First Class responded, “Sir, it
has to be 100% pleasure. The colonel was surprised and, as you might guess,
asked why? “Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would
have me doing it for them.”

The room fell silent.

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Nutritious Food Tip of the Day
(Thank you, “A. Nonymous”)

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Steven Hayward supplies us with this

Valentine’s Day Bouquet

That wraps it up for this week, so for now …