It has been a while since we’ve heard from The Friday Funnies’ resident philosopher, Hugh Jass, but today, thanks to “Joe P.” and “Dr. Mc” (The Friday Funnies’ Staff Neurologist), we have a new collection of the thoughts of Hugh Jass! Also, hat tips today to “B-Squared” and “A. Nonymous” for their contributions.

• The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe, before you start looking like a mental patient.

• My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

… in a similar vein …

• The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today…. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.

• My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 195 lbs. I’ve gained.

• I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.. Do they just give you a bra and say, “here fill this out”..?

…  which brings us to this related item:

… Now, more from Hugh Jass:

• The speed in which a woman says “nothing” when asked “What’s wrong?” is inversely proportional to the severity of the storm that’s coming..

• Denny’s has a slogan, ‘If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us. ….. If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday … you’re a loser!

• If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple “Thank you” is all I need … not all this, “how did you get in my house?” business!

• On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week; whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. … This is upsetting news to me … I had NO idea I am Japanese!

• I can’t understand why women are okay with the fact that JC Penney has an older women’s clothing line named “Sag Harbor!”

• I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

… one last thought from Hugh Jass: …

• What is it about a car that makes people think we can’t see them pick their nose?

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… he must have been using:

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• Blonde Joke du Jour

Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.

He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, “Do you think he’ll jump?”

Bob said, “You know, I bet he’ll jump.”

The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.”

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, “You’re on!”

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob. “Fair’s fair. Here’s your money.”

Bob replied, “I can’t take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, So I knew he would jump.”

The blonde replied, “I did, too, but I didn’t think he’d do it again.”

Bob took the money.

• Lawyer Joke du Jour

• Snark du Jour

• Groaner du Jour

• Groaner du Jour (BONUS)

• You Had ONE Job To Do

• Just when you thought YOU had lost your marbles, along comes this: (Check it out!)

• Banana Republic

• Why Women Live Longer Than Men

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This Week’s Walmartian!

Separated At Birth – Walmart Edition

The Walmart Car Show – Post St. Paddy’s Day Edition

Now! Shorter Lines At Walmart!

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… which brings us to:

• You Can’t Make This Stuff Up!

• Smart Jokes

• Daily Job Moods

• So now, we’ve come to a …

… and with that, for this Friday, we’ll say  …