Wisdom From Hugh Jass

As I’ve Gotten Older I’ve Discovered:

• Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
• Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
• I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
• My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
• Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
• Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
• If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
• It was a whole lot easier to get older, than it was to get wiser.
• Some days, you’re the top dog, some days you’re the hydrant.
• I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.
• It is hard to make a comeback, when you haven’t been anywhere.
• The world only beats a path to your door, when you’re in the bathroom.
• If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.
• When I’m finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.
• It is not hard to meet expenses… They’re everywhere.
• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth..
• These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I’m “here after”.
• Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
• It is a lot better to be seen than viewed.
• Have I sent this message to you before…or did I get it from you?

–00OO00–

Now, “A. Nonymous” brings us this

Fishing Story

A funeral procession pulled into a cemetery. Several carloads of family members followed a black truck towing a boat with a coffin in it.

A passer-by remarked, “That guy must have been a very avid fisherman.”

“Oh, he still is,” remarked one of the mourners. As a matter of fact, he’s headed off to the lake as soon as we bury his wife.”

Next up, “Joe P” tells us about this

Italian Funeral

A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash.

Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking in single file.

The Jewish man couldn’t stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the Italian man walking the dog and said: “I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen an Italian funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?”

“My wife’s.”

“What happened to her?”

“She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her.”

He inquired further, “But who is in the second hearse?”

My mother-in-law. She came to help my wife and the dog turned on her and killed her also.

It was a very poignant and touching moment of Jewish and Italian brotherhood and
silence passed between the two men. The Jewish man then asked, “Can I borrow the dog?”

The Italian man replied, “Get in line.”

… In a related vein, we have this from “Ol’ Petrol Head:”

“B-Squared” asks …

Think She’ll Be Missed?

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, “Well, she’s there.”

… “Cousin Mary” sends us this insight: