The Friday Funnies – Butt Dust Edition

Friday Funnies jpg

A hat tip today to the Friday Funnies Staff Neurologist, “Dr. Mc” for providing us with this Friday’s lead item. Today is also “Dr. Mc’s” 12th birthday! Yes, “Dr. Mc” is now 12 years old!
(8+4 =12).

For relative newcomers to the blog, “Dr. Mc” was our Neurologist, practicing at Stanford University Hospital and Clinics. When he retired from Stanford, we appointed him to the prestigious post of Staff Neurologist here at the Friday Funnies and we provide for his exclusive use the wood burning Yugo limousine formerly used by the staff of frequent contributor “B-Squared’s” late great blog “Ft. Lauderdale Daily Photo.”

yugo

Above: the wood burning Yugo limousine provided to the Friday Funnies Staff Neurologist, “Dr. Mc” who is celebrating his 12th birthday today!

We invite all our readers to join in wishing “Dr. Mc” a happy 12th birthday!

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• Butt Dust

butt-dust

What Is Butt Dust??

What, you ask, is ‘Butt dust’? What do you do or say, when an innocent child asks you something so innocent and they are so serious? Read on and you’ll discover the joy in it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!!

JACK
(age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister… After a while he asked: ‘Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?’

STEVEN
(age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. ‘I love you so much that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.’

BRITTANY
(age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: ‘How does it know it’s me?’

SUSAN
(age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. ‘Please don’t give me this juice again,’ she said, ‘It makes my teeth cough.’

DJ
(age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: ‘How much do I cost?’

CLINT
(age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, ‘I don’t know what’ll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?’

MARC
(age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: ‘Why is he whispering in her mouth?’

TAMMY
(age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, ‘Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?’

JAMES
(age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: ‘The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.’ Concerned, James asked: ‘What happened to the flea?’

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget:

This particular Sunday sermon… ‘Dear Lord,’ the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. ‘Without you, we are but dust….’ He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, ‘Mom, what is butt dust?’

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“Dr. Mc” also provides us with:
• Cake or Bed?

Betty Crocker.png

A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, “Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It’s been flickering for weeks now.”

He looks at her and says angrily, “Fix the lights now? Does it look like i have GE written on my forehead?”

“Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won’t close right.”

To which he replied, “Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don’t think so.”

Fine, she says, “Then you could at least fix the steps to the front door? They are about to break.”

“I’m not a damned carpenter and I don’t want to fix steps! “Does it look like I have Ace hardware written on my forehead? I don’t think so. I’ve had enough of you… I’m going to the bar!!!!

So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours………………………………

He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home.

As he walks into the house he notices that the steps have been fixed.

As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working.

As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.

“Honey”, he asks, “How’d all this get fixed?”

She said, “Well, when you left I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake.”

He said, so what kind of cake did you bake?

She replied, “Hellooooo…. do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead? I don’t think so …”

• Why Women Live Longer Than Men
(Hat tip: “B-Squared”)

why_women_live_longer_than_men

• Separated at Birth

screen-shot-2014-12-21-at-6-33-48-pm

• Questionable Names
(Brought to us by the inimitable “B-Squared”)
questionable_names-beaver-wetter

• Lunch with a Nun
(Thanks to “Joe P.” for this one)

catholic_nun

An old nun, who was living in a convent next to a construction site, noticed the coarse language of the

workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways.

And so, she decided she would take her lunch and sit with the workers.

She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked to the spot where the men were eating.

Sporting a big smile, she walked up to the group and asked: “And, do you men know Jesus Christ?”

They shook their heads and looked at each other, very confused.

One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out, “Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?”

One of the steelworkers yelled down. “Why?”

The worker yelled back, “Cause his mom’s here with his lunch.”

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“B-Squared” brings us this …
• Gallery of Groaners

groaner_can_february_march

A wreath of Franklins:

groaner-wreath_of_franklinsgroanerchampignons

• Snark du Jour

snark5

• So How Was Your Monday?
(Hat tip: “Ol’ Petrol Head)

how-was-your-monday

• Misplaced Headlines
(Hat tip: “B-Squared”)

misplaced-headlines

 

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 And now …

This Week’s Walmartian!

Walmart-always

walmartian

The Walmart Car Show

walmart-car-show

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… And now, in closing, one more thought about “Dr. Mc’s” birthday
… with a tip of the hat to “Dr. Mc’s” friend “Joe P.”:

birthdays

2 Comments

Add yours →

  1. Thanks again for the laughs. Tis a good list. Imma thinking you made up ‘them names’. LOL WE have had a terrible cell signal all day. I think Russia has stole our signal. Imma tell Obama and he will straighten ’em guys out.

    I think I am finally getting a signal. I will check..

    Like

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