Tips of the hat today to “Joe P” and “Dr. Mc” for the theme.

1. My goal for 2016 was to lose 10 pounds. Only 15 pounds to go.

2. Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Actually just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce and cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. I ate a pizza!!!

3. How to prepare Tofu:
a. Throw it in the trash
b. Grill some meat

4. I just did a week’s worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.

5. I don’t mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food in 3 hours and 20 minutes.

6. A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it to them.

7. Kids today don’t know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through a shag carpet to change the TV channel.

8. Senility has been a smooth transition for me.

9. Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero outside they closed school? Nah, me either.

10. I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented: I forgot where I was going with this.

11. I love being over 70. I learn something new every day and forget 5 others.

12. A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I woke up and searched with him.

13. I think I’ll just put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day.

14. November 6, 2016 was the end of Daylight Savings Time. I Hope you didn’t forget to set your bathroom scale back 10 pounds on Saturday night.

15. Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.

• Why Women Live Longer Than Men
(Hat tip to “B-Squared” for the ongoing series)

• Excellent Fashion Advice

• Redneck Road Sign

… Speaking of Walmart …

This Week’s Walmartian

The Walmart Car Show

-00OO00-

• Crow Problem – Massachusetts Dialect Edition
(This is also the Groaner du Jour – be forewarned!)
(Hat tip: “Gordon K”)

• Needs Glasses 
(This is for former Optician “Shakespeare M”)

… speaking of failing eyesight …

• Snark du Jour

… on that note, for this Friday …