United Airlines continues to provide fodder for the Friday Funnies:

• United Airlines’ New Slogan Contest:
(Hat tips to “Dr. Mc” and “B-Squared” for this and several other items today.)

“We’ll drag you all over the world”

“When our staff needs a seat – we’ll drag you out by your feet!”

“Offering you red eye – and black eye – flights.”

“You can’t beat our prices. But we can sure beat our passengers!”

“Board as a doctor, leave as a patient.”

“Fight or flight — we decide!”

“The captain has turned on the No Passenger Sign!”

“The seat belt sign has been turned off and it is now safe to be dragged about the cabin!”

“We put the hospital in hospitality!”

“United Airlines — Beating random passengers since 2017!

“Not enough seating — prepare for a beating!”

“This is your Captain speaking: Don’t make us ask twice!”

“Unbeatable prices, passengers not so much!”

“Fly United — because flying is always a drag!”

“United–where volunteering is mandatory!”

“United– we treat you like a king–Rodney King!”

“United: where you hit the ground BEFORE take-off!”

“If you like your seat, you can keep your seat . . . well, maybe”

“We can re-accommodate you the easy way or the hard way!”

“Please return the passenger next to you to the full upright position!”

“Ordinary airlines have cabin crews. We have bouncers!”

New Webster’s entry: “Re-accommodate”: to beat-up and drag paying passengers off a plane to make room for airline crew.

To which Mazda Service Advisor “Ricky M.” comments:

“I can’t imagine yanking one of our customers out of our waiting room because our employee needs to get an oil change!”

• Did United operate the Viking ships?

… which brings us to …
• “Dr. Mc’s” new clinic:

 

• Gotta Be Crazifornia:

• More Accurate Than A Mood Ring:

… In a related vein:

• Blonde Joke du Jour

• Modern Girls

… Now it’s time to pick on the men …
• Why Women Live Longer Than Men

• Men In Need of Female Supervision

• UFOs?!?!

• Today’s Technology News:

• You Just Can’t Make This Stuff Up, At Least He Made His Court Date Edition!

• Soup du Jour – Irish Restaurant Edition

…  which brings us to  …
• Mexican Word of the Day

-00OO00-

• Katzndawgz

• Dawgznkatz

-00OO00-

You’ve been waiting all week for this! Now, it’s time for:

This Week’s Walmartian!

The Walmart Car Show

… We move now from Wally-World to our …

• Snark du Jour

• Lawyer Joke du Jour

…  And now, in closing  …