Tips of the hat to “Skip” and “B-Squared” for much of today’s material.

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Yesterday I ordered around 2000 pounds of Chinese soup.
It was roughly Won Ton.

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• Wedded Bliss

“Why is the bride always on the left at a marriage ceremony?
Simply because directly after the wedding and for the foreseeable future, she’s always right.”

“Wife: Darling, I have a bag of clothing to donate if you would bring it to Goodwill.
Husband: Well, heck, why not simply place it in our garbage can?
Wife: Gosh, there are sick and starving people who can use it.
Husband: Sweetie, believe me, anyone who can fit into your clothing is not starving.”

… and THAT brings us to:

“Yesterday, to see if I could learn anything about my troubled past, I made a graph of my two very unfortunate marriages. I think it’s very useful.

The graph has an Ex-axis and a Why-axis.”

• WWLLTM

• Degrees of Blondeness
(Hat tip to “Cousin Mary” for the series.)

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.

She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, “I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!”

• Separated at Birth – Rachael Madcow Edition

… speaking of Mad Cows, it’s time now for …

This Week’s Walmartian!

The Walmart Car Show – I Don’t Give A Hoot Edition

• Tips for Good Nutrition:

… with that, we’ll close with: