'56 Packard Man

Hat tip to “Gordon K” for the lead item today.

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife.

Tearfully she explained, “It’s the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone.”

Immediately, the husband drove down town to confront the chemist and demand an apology.

Before he could say more than a word or two, the chemist told him, “Just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I’d locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys.”

Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire.”

“When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting for me to open. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, all the time the darn phone was ringing.”

He continued, “Then I had to break a roll of coins against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the coins and the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke.”

Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.”

“Believe me mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her.”

• Skipisms

As a high school freshman, I asked my math teacher, “Will we ever use any of this algebra?”
She said, “Well, you won’t, but some of the smart kids will.”

… which brings us to …

• Another Skipism:

What might one call a group of canines swimming under water?
Sub Woofers.

• Thesaurus
(Hat tip: “B-Squared”)

• The Potential Son In Law
(Hat tip: “B-Squared”)

A young woman brought her fiancé home to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother told her father to find out about the young man. The father invited the fiancé to his study for a talk.

“So, what are your plans?” the father asked the young man.

“I am a biblical scholar,” he replied.

“A biblical scholar, hmmm?” the father said. “Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in?”

“I will study,” the young man replied, “and God will provide for us.”

“And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?” asked the father.

“I will concentrate on my studies,” the young man replied, “God will provide for us.”

“And children?” asked the father. “How will you support children?”

“Don’t worry, sir, God will provide,” replied the fiancé.

The conversation proceeded like this, and, each time the father questioned, the young idealist insisted that God would provide.

Later, the mother asked, “How did it go, honey?”

The father answered, “He has no job and no plans, and he thinks I’m God.”

… which brings us to …

… which segues to …
• WWLLTM

• YJCMTSU

• Lawyer Joke du Jour
(The current series was contributed by “Dr. Mc”, whose father was lead counsel at the prestigious law firm of Dewey, Cheatham and Howe.)

All read from book called “Disorder in Court” and are things people actually said, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the responsibility of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

• Snark du Jour

• Mexican Word of the Day

• Blonde Joke du Jour
(Hat tip: “B-Squared”)

Q: A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Which of the three has the biggest boobs?

A: The blonde, because she’s 18.

• Blonde Joke du Jour – BONUS!

This Week’s Walmartian!

The Walmart Car Show

• The Friday Funnies Food and Nutrition Corner

• News from my home town

And now, in closing: