'56 Packard Man

Hugh Jass is the Friday Funnies’ resident sage. Today, via “Dr. Mc”, the Friday Funnies’ Staff Neurologist, Hugh shares with us wisdom gleaned from some of his friends. Enjoy!

Jean Kerr

“The only reason they say ‘Women and children first’ is to test the strength of the lifeboats.”

Prince Phillip

“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”

Harrison Ford
“Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.”

Spike Milligan
“The best prevention for sea sickness is to sit under a tree.”

Jean Rostand
“Kill one man and you’re a murderer, kill a million and you’re a conqueror.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger
“Having more money doesn’t make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I’m just as happy as when I had 48 million.”

W.H. Auden
“We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.”

Jonathan Katz
“In hotel rooms, I worry. I can’t be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked.”

Johnny Carson
“If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.”

Steve Martin
“Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.”

Jimmy Durante
“Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.”

Jonathan Winters
“If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport.”

Robert Benchley
“I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.”

John Glenn
“As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind – every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.”

David Letterman
“America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.”

Howard Hughes
“I’m not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. Dammit, I’m a billionaire.”

“After the game is over, the King and the pawn go into the same box.” – Old Italian Proverb

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That’s enough levity for this Friday, so now, in closing: