Hat tip to “B-Squared” for today’s theme. “Joe P.” and “Packard Truck Dave” contributed other items.
• On The First Day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
(Think about it … )
… which brings us to …
Santa and the Angel
When four of Santa’s elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, ‘Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?’
And thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Not very many people know this.
• More offensive Christmas songs:
Since WDOK in Ohio decided to pull “Baby it’s Cold Outside” from its playlist because someone was offended, I feel that these other holiday songs must also be removed as they are offensive as well.
1. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus: subjecting minors to softcore porn.
2. The Christmas Song: Open fire?
Pollution. Folks dressed up like Eskimos? Cultural appropriation.
3. Holly Jolly Christmas: Kiss her once for me? Unwanted advances.
4. White Christmas: Racist.
5. Santa Claus is Coming to Town: Sees you when you’re sleeping? Knows when you’re awake? Peeping Tom/stalker.
6. Most Wonderful Time of the Year: Everyone telling you to be of good cheer? Forced to hide depression.
7. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: Bullying.
8. It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas: Forced gender-specific gifts: dolls for Janice and Jen and boots and pistols (GUNS!) for Barney and Ben.
9. Santa Baby: Gold digger, blackmail.
10. Frosty the Snowman: Sexist; not a snow woman.
11. Do You Hear What I Hear: blatant disregard for the hearing impaired.
12. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas: Make the yuletide GAY? Wow, just wow.
13. Jingle Bell Rock: Giddy-up jingle horse, pick up your feet: animal abuse.
14. Mistletoe and Holly: Overeating, folks stealing a kiss or two? How did this song ever see the light of day?
15. Winter Wonderland: Parson Brown demanding they get married: forced partnership.
16. Grandma got run over by a reindeer: elder abuse.
• Santa visits “Dr. Mc”:
• The scene of this accident was the home of the late, great Studebaker cars and trucks:
… speaking of Studebakers, “B-Squared” sent this frosty M-Series Studebaker pick up truck from the ’40s:
… And now, in closing:
All joking aside, let us not forget that Easter is the reason for Christmas.