Friday Funnies – Van Go Edition

05/07/2019 / 4 comments

Friday Funnies – Van Go Edition

This one is especially for Steven Hayward:

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… moving now from Van Gogh to Van Morrison:

… and from Vans to Lamborghinis:

… When a tire retires …

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• Please note the distinction:

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• Hot Cross Puns:
(Hat tip: “B-Squared”)

Some Franciscan Monks were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened a flower shop to raise money. But a rival florist across town resented the competition, and he hired Hugh MacTaggart, the most notorious thug in town, to persuade the friars to close. Hugh threatened the friars and trashed their shop, warning that he’d be back if they didn’t shut down. The terrified Franciscans complied, proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

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Roy Rogers rode up on Trigger with his new boots in tatters and a dead cougar draped over his saddle. Dale Evans said, “Pardon me, Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?”

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The human cannonball was getting tired of being shot out of a cannon night after night, so he went to the ringmaster and told him he planned to retire. The ringmaster was stunned. “You can’t retire,” he said. “Where would I ever find another man of your caliber?”

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• Blonde Joke du Jour

A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk to ask what it was.

The clerk said, “Why, that’s a thermos…..It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold.”

“Wow,” said the blonde, “that’s amazing…..I’m going to buy it!” So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.

Her boss saw it on her desk. “What’s that,” he asked?

“Why, that’s a thermos…. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,” she replied..

Her boss inquired, “What do you have in it?”

The blonde replied……”Two popsicles & some coffee.”

• Wedded Bliss