Friday Funnies -Toughest Time of My Life Edition

The Toughest Time of My Life:

“I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy.
These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis. I don’t know how I pulled through it…. It was the hardest spelling test I’ve ever had!”

… which segues smoothly to …
• Wedded Bliss

Grammar Lesson: Is it “Complete”, “Finished” or “Completely Finished”?

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words – “Complete” and “Finished”. In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.

The final question was: “How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand? Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.”

Here is his astute answer: “When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And, when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!”

He won a trip around the world and a case of 25-year old Scotch!

• MORE Wedded Bliss

• Floriduh

Florida – need I say more?

JULY 3 – Minutes after being released from custody, a Florida Man sought to steal numerous vehicles in a jail parking lot because he needed wheels “to use for transportation,” according to a criminal complaint.

It’s Floriduh Man Friday! >>CLICK HERE<<

• WWLLTM

• Blonde Joke du Jour

A blonde once got lost near a river. She traveled up and down it searching for a way to get to the other side.

She tried walking in the shallow part of the river, and she even tried grabbing onto a branch that stretched half way across the river to try to swing to the other side.

No matter how hard she tried she couldn’t get across.

After many failed attempts, she finally felt like giving up.

Yet, at the last moment, she saw a person walking by and decided to follow her — across the bridge.

• Who Wore It Better?