A tip of the hat to “Ol’ Petrol Head” for the theme today

Shopping in the Modern Supermarket

The produce department has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and there is the scent of freshly mowed hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens clucking and cackling,and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The bakery department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.

I don’t buy toilet paper there anymore …

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• Why Women Live Longer Than Men

… Which brings us to …

… and that segues to …

… which in turn brings us to …

• Dawgznkatz:

• Slight misunderstanding:
(Hat tip: “B-Squared”)

• Groaner du Jour
(Another tip of the hat to “B-Squared”)

• Snark du Jour

• Blonde Joke du Jour

A brunette goes into a doctor’s office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. “Impossible,” says the doctor. “Show me.” She takes her finger, presses on her elbow, and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams, and so it goes on; everywhere she touches makes her scream with pain. The doctor says, “You’re not really a brunette are you?” She says, “No, I dyed my hair. I’m naturally blonde.” “I thought so,” he says. “Your finger is broken.”

• Lawyer Joke du Jour, Genius Attorney Edition

Attorney: “How was your first marriage terminated?”
Witness: “By death.”
Attorney: “And by whose death was it terminated?”
Witness: “Guess.”

Attorney: “Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?”
Witness: “All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.”

• Yo momma …
Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it’s still printing.

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This Week’s Walmartian!

The Walmart Car Show

Shane, The Walmart Deli Clerk

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• Plans for the evening?

• Questionable Names
(Hat tip to “B-Squared” for the series)

… And now, in closing (via “Ol’ Petrol Head”) …
• How Was Your Monday?

That wraps it up today, so until next Friday …