'56 Packard Man

The meaning of opaque is unclear.

I wasn’t going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It’s very time consuming.

A man tried to assault me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy!

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

If there was someone selling marijuana in our neighborhood, weed know about it.

It’s a lengthy article about ancient Japanese sword fighters, but I can summarize the Samurais for you.

So what if I don’t know the meaning of the word “apocalypse”? It’s not like it’s the end of the world!

Police were called to the daycare center. A 3-year old was resisting a rest.

The other day, I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.

Need an ark to save two of every animal? I Noah guy.

Alternative facts are aversion of the truth.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Did you know they won’t be making yardsticks any longer?

I used to be allergic to soap but I’m clean now.

The patron saint of poverty is St. Nickel less.

What did the man say when the bridge fell on him? The suspension is killing me.

Do you have weight loss mantras? Fat chants!

My tailor is happy to make a new pair of pants for me. Or sew it seams.

What is a thesaurus’s favorite dessert? Synonym buns.

A relief map shows where the restrooms are.

There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.

How do they figure out the price of hammers? Per pound?

More groaners:

• Blonde Joke du Jour

It was a blonde’s first day at the office. Her first task was to go out for coffee.

Eager to prove her worth to her new bosses, she grabbed a large thermos and hurried to the nearby coffee shop.

She held up the thermos so that the counterman could view it, and she asked, “Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?”

The counter man looked at the thermos and replied, “Yes. It looks like about six cups to me.”

“Oh good!” the blonde sighed in relief. “Give me three black, one with cream & sugar, and two decaf.”

• WWLLTM

• Floriduh

• Who Wore It Better?

… in a similar vein …
• Separated at Birth

• Wedded Bliss

• Separated at Birth: M. Bibendum & Old Hitlery (®™ DNC)

• Mexican Word of the Day

• At “Dr. Mc’s” Clinic:

And now, in closing for this Friday: